Love

I've been pondering love a lot lately. People seem to have so many ideas of what it is and so many varying capabilities of demonstrating it. I have been struggling with feeling really weird because I am so different from what I see around me. As I get to know someone, I love them. My first reaction to something absurd or a mistake made by those I care about is merely to love them more for it. No one is perfect. We are all broken and need love not criticism and judgement. I'm not saying we can't offer help and suggestions, but we need to do it out of love for the other person not out of the certainty that we are right and they are wrong. I would do pretty much anything for my friends. I still struggle with all of this with my family though. I suppose there are many reasons for this. My friends don't hurt me the way my family does. I am far too sensitive and I know I shouldn't let things my mom or anyone else say bother me, but I do. This generally puts me on defense and I only think of myself instead of thinking about my mom and why she is saying whatever it may be and what I can do to help her. It is probably out of fear as well. My life has had a lot of family drama and there are a couple of relatives we never see or have anything to do with: my biological father and my maternal grandmother. If I distance myself, I guess it feels like I can't be hurt as much in the long run. You can't lose what you don't have, but what is the point of living without it? Even with writing this here, I know I am not likely to follow through with it everywhere. I am trying to work harder on this with my mom and my sister. Little things like going down to eat breakfast with my mom instead of working on homework and rushing through breakfast later alone don't matter that much in the long run. In the end, it matters more that I have made a difference in the lives of others and been a good friend. My priorities have changed so much since high school. School was my main priority then, but God and people have slipped ahead and I am much happier with this.