♥

baking

ballroom dance

bamboo

basil

bats

being outside

board games

books

camping

cats

cedar

climbing trees

cooking

coral pink

driving in snow

feeding people

French

frogs

garlic

grapefruit

hiking

hugs

jumping rope

junior mints

kittens

learning

lime

looking at the stars

making grass chains

maple bars

marzipan 

math

meerkats

meeting people

moonlight

movies

music

my job

mythology

nature

orange

paring knives

pasta

pirates

pomegranate

pouring rain

puppies

quizzes

random conversations

reading

Siamese cats

snakes

spending time with friends I love

strawberries

swimming

taking pictures

University of Utah

vampires

walking

walking at night

walking barefoot on grass

walking barefoot on sand

Bucket List

• Be outside in the rain until I'm soaking wet
• Eat a banana split
• Get acrylic nails
• Go camping with a group of friends
• Go sledding
• Go to Africa
• Go to all of the national parks in Utah
• Go to concerts
• Go to England
• Go to France (see le tour eiffel, etc.)
• Go to Germany (Especially Bavaria {the spot in a picture we have in the family room})
• Go to the Great Salt Lake
• Go to Greece
• Go to Ireland
• Go to Italy (especially Rome)
• Go to Jerusalem
• Go to the Middle East
• Go to Scotland
• Have a Harry Potter movie marathon
• Have a Pirates of the Caribbean movie marathon
• Have a Seal Point Siamese cat
• Ride on a train
• See a Broadway production (or several)
• See the Great Wall of China
• See the Statue of Liberty
• Sleep outside under the stars
• Stay at a Benedictine Monastery
• Visit every state in the US
• Watch the sun rise
• Watch the sun set

Summer Happenin's

One of my goals was to start writing on this at least twice a month. Obviously that has failed. I am gathering that this will never be a high enough priority for that to actually happen, so my apologies for those of you that actually read this silly thing. This will probably be short since I need to take my mom and sister to the dentist soon, but I figured I should write something.

Anyway, it feels like the summer is already over even though it has kind of only just begun for me since I finished my last summer class less than a week ago. As usual, the past couple of months have flown by because I've been so busy. My summer classes definitely shattered any hope I had of maintaining last year's 4.0, but I did the best that I could, so I can't complain. Work has been the usual crazy busy that comes with summer. I've managed to only work about half time through most of the summer, which is amazing and means that I've actually managed to get some other things done. I'm the webmaster for the department now, which means that I get to put up all the information on our pages and keep it up to date. Once I get everything up, it should not be too difficult, but it is definitely a lot of work right now. We are also making changes to the way that we run community service work, so I am going to end up with a lot more paperwork and required time, but I think it will make a very beneficial difference.

I have mostly taken this summer to work on things that I wanted to accomplish and while there are certainly things that I have not gotten to, I would say that I have been pretty successful and I am happy with how this summer has passed. I read over fifteen of the books on my to read list (although several of them were rereads o.O). I still have a relatively high stack in my room (not even counting the mental or physical lists), but I'm hoping to keep up the reading for pleasure during the semester. I also watched over fifty movies, which seems like a lot put that way, but I still have so many on my list to see. Those will probably have to wait until fall break and winter break. I also cleaned my room pretty thoroughly, which means that I actually cleaned through my old school stuff and boxed some of it up to store in the garage. I kept my chemistry book and my calculus book...and knowing me, I will go through them at some point when I have time. Nerd.

I have also gotten ridiculously independent, which may be a bad thing since I was independent enough already. It is nice to just go gallivanting off to wherever I want or need to go without worrying about trying to bring others into it though. I think it has good for me too. I have been working on a lot of more personal stuff this summer and I would say that this has been a very good thing. I have gotten a lot better about not being as ridiculously sensitive and I have gained some confidence and comfort with who I am. I do not need to worry about what other people think about me (how quiet I am in groups, for example) because that is how I am and it is up to them to accept it. I have also gotten better about saying how I feel. I have kind of ended up far too likely to be quiet about things and say I am fine or that it is alright just to avoid confrontation after the example of my parents fighting over stupid things to a ridiculous extent. I am learning to not just say that it is okay when it is not and to not be afraid to talk through things. Even if it means that you lose people from your life who are used to you putting up with everything and still being there for them all of the time. Relationships take effort from both sides. You can love someone as much as you want, but you have to okay with the fact that your friendship may not ever be as deep as you would like it to be.

On another note (because I am seriously running out of time), I am at the point where I am super excited for fall semester to start! I know what show I am working on and I should be able to go to the Mount retreat this year!!! I have the show, an online class, and two that meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which means I will be able to keep up my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday work schedule. :) I really have to go, but I'll write more later...SOON later lol.

Sunshine and Summertime

As usual, I have not written here in far longer than I should have. This just seems to be one of those things that I always intend to do more consistently with only minimal success. I might get there...eventually.

School is over and started again. I got another 4.0, which is not as exciting as it should be, but I am proud of myself for managing it even with all the chaos that happened last semester between work, Macbeth and life being life. I only have two classes this summer, but I am not as motivated as I should be...some of my homework is sitting next to me while I do this instead. I think part of it is just the expectation of fun and a break that comes with summer, but to quote a coworker I am just "a glutton for punishment." ;) I am enjoying my American Religions: Faith and Film class even though I am not particularly fond of the teacher. My discussion group leader is a guy who was in one of my classes last semester, which is great because that means I feel comfortable enough to actually talk. It feels a little weird to be in a discussion group rather than leading one, but I am enjoying the renewed perspective on what being on the leading end is like. I think my favorite part about the class is getting introduced to so many fascinating movies that relate to religion and getting to discuss them. I have been slacking off way too much with my online class, but I have loved the readings that I have done so far. The problem with this seems to be the lectures. I have them on my iPod, but it is a lot harder for me to make myself sit down and listen to a lecture than to sit down and read.

I have already started plowing through my summer reading list, which I am enjoying immensely. It feels absolutely amazing to be able to make time to read what I want to read. I hadn't realized exactly how much I missed having my nose in a book during every moment that I can find. It is also great to go through all of the books that I've been collecting that I really want to read. My list includes Mere Christianity, Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide, as much of the Xanth Series as I can stomach, and a lot of others. Now if I can only be as good about reading my homework....

It is kind of funny that I have not been writing on here lately because I have been thinking far too much about a lot of things and it always helps to write through things. There is just too much in my life that I want to change, but then I am too ambivalent about it as well. Now that I have more time on my hands, I am kind of going crazy since I am used to being so busy. I am also realizing that a lot of my friends are not here to hang out with and ones that are here usually do not seem to want to hang out with me. I may just be too sensitive about it...I don't know. On one hand, I really want to make more of an effort to hang out with some of the people that I really care about, but I am afraid of being rejected because they don't want to do things with me. It is especially hard if I have suggested things before and they just never happened. Between that and being shy, which makes it hard to know how to ask and afraid to let people know just how much I care about them, it is a little difficult. I kind of hate that I am still so shy and insecure about things. I have come a long way since high school, but I am still not where I would like to be.

No matter how far away from the past you think you are, it is always there and sometimes I feel like I can never be completely over everything. I know that all of the struggles that I have been through have made me stronger, but sometimes I really wish that I was not as strong as I am. I am too self-reliant, which is not really a good thing. It is great that I can handle what life has for me, but when I have a problem, God is who I turn to and not anyone else. This is very good, but at the same time I need people and to feel like I have people that I can trust to listen to me. When you combine strength with stubbornness and sensitivity, it just seems to be kind of a disaster. I am far too sensitive about things, which can be good because I appreciate little things, but can be bad as well. If I am hurt by something, I am too stubborn and strong to show it.

Haha and now that I am hoping that hardly anyone reads this...um.... I spent a ridiculous amount of time looking up quotes today because I had something that I wanted to express, but was too lazy to write myself. Unfortunately, I could not find what I wanted, so I was stuck trying to do it anyway. "Love is cherishing every moment that you share and appreciating them for every beautiful imperfection with no expectation of anything else." I don't think it quite captures everything that I was thinking, but I guess it is close enough. I guess it kind of stems from my attempt to understand everything, which is just not possible. I always seem to waver back and forth between accepting the fact that I will never understand anything completely, even myself. Whenever I get close, something always comes up that throws me out of my comfort zone again. Thanks God. <3 Some things in particular really bug me because they show me how little control I have over things, which I feel like I should have control over, which I really should work on more. Sometimes it thoroughly disgusts me that I have so much self-control. Learning to let go and just trust is not the easiest thing.

On a completely unrelated note, (Yes, I am a Gemini. ;) ) I'm managing to work only approximately twenty hours a week. While being more relaxing than my usual barely under forty route, it contributes to my restlessness because I don't have anything to do. Renate was not my first choice for our new receptionist, but I am really enjoying the opportunity to work with her. She is doing amazingly well considering all of the crazy stuff that has already been thrown at her and she is a really nice woman. It is kind of amusing how much random stuff I hear through her that I shouldn't exactly be hearing since those who said it did not intend for me to here it. Everything is ridiculously busy right now because we are approaching the end of the fiscal year as well as our Freedom Festival and I am trying to reorganize a lot of things, but everything is going quite well considering how much I am juggling right now. The only thing that is uncomfortable for me at this point is all of the compliments that I have been getting lately. You would think that I would be used to it after almost three years there, but nope. I do appreciate it for the fact that this job is probably the only reason that I can manage to accept a compliment with some semblance of grace.

I should probably stop rambling and make some dinner, so night.

Finals, Finals, Finals...

So...I should be doing homework right now (especially because I just took a comic break {Nuclear Delight}), but I haven't updated this in over a month. Yes, I fail...moving on....

Macbeth went amazingly well. We had eleven shows counting the two previews. We were sold out for all but two of the performances and those two were at least two thirds full. I've uploaded seven videos on my facebook, but in spite of the fact that those of you silly enough to be reading this can see that, I'll add one to this as well. (When I have an internet connection that isn't pathetic.)

It was my first show as an assistant stage manager, which was kind of crazy since it was HUGE. I absolutely loved the experience though and I adore the cast. I still have lines going through my head...quite frequently, but hey, it's Shakespeare, so that's okay...right? The worst part of working on the show was that I had to miss TWO weeks of church. It was kind of awful. As if that wasn't bad, there isn't a podcast up for the second of the weeks that I missed. :'(

The class that I TA for had their final exam yesterday, so I am about done with everything associated with that class. I am super happy to be almost done with grading thought papers as I have learned that I really dislike grading papers, but I will miss my little grouplings. I am definitely glad that I agreed to do it when Sydney asked me to TA...and...I love the theories, which show up everywhere, so it wasn't harmful to have them reinforced by sitting through the class again.

I got an A on my last paper for my Women in Ancient Greece and Rome class, which is pretty awesome even though I don't think I really deserved it. I was so exhausted from Macbeth that I'm not really sure what the quality of it was though, so my opinion may not be valid. It is definitely comforting to be acing the class so far since I'm a little worried about the final and I have one more paper to go.

Theatre History...yeah, let's not even go there. I kind of wish that I hadn't gotten a 4.0 last semester because now I've put pressure on myself to get another one this semester, which is kind of crazy. At the high point of Macbeth, I was working 40+ hours on the show, going to classes, working my job, doing homework, and all of the other necessities of life. Before Macbeth got up to 40+ hours, I was doing a full time job in half of the time at work because of my coworker quitting. In other words, I should be happy with whatever grades I get. And...I need a vacation.

Vacation...yeah...about that. I had four trips planned for this summer and all of them seem to have fallen apart, which is pretty lame. I've also started to realize how many of my friends who are away for school are not coming back and how many of my friends who are here for school will be going home for the summer. :( This summer is looking like class and work for me. I'm tempted to just say what the heck be a workaholic and then try to go on a trip, but...I don't have a car...and trips are no fun by yourself...and then I'd have to decide where to go. I'll probably just end up being a workaholic and not going anywhere. I guess it is just as well since tuition is going up again and my grant money has greatly decreased (thanks dad...stop getting paid so much!).

I finally changed my facebook picture that I was tired of, but I don't have a new one, so I changed it to a different one from the same day. I now need to change my twitter and gmail picture to match it, but that won't happen on this internet connection, so it might be a while before that happens. Hopefully, I'll actually get a NEW picture sometime this summer, but I'm definitely not making any promises. (I'm being a workaholic, remember?)

Anyway, I should get back to the homework...and maybe bed eventually since I have an eight and a half hour day at work tomorrow, which will be followed by more homework. So close...I'll be free for a week after Friday next week.

P.S. I forgot to mention this. I am the Theatre Department SAC Treasurer for next year. (SAC = student advisory committee) Yeah, I am insane. I might die. It will be fun though and I am happy about who I will be working with too. Everyone that I voted for won the position that I voted them for, so yeah, I'm just awesome like that.

Ending Spring Break

Well, I REALLY fail at keeping up on this, but since this semester has been so busy, it is not exactly surprising right now. So much has been going on that I don't really know where to begin, so I guess I'll just jump in and see where I end up....

I had to buy a new camera after my old one had an unfortunate grapefruit juice adventure. I'd had my old one for a long time, so it was really about time, but it was hard to be without a camera for a while. My new one is quite beautiful though and it has some newer features that I definitely appreciate. :D I got it on Thursday and I already have 192 pictures on it lol.

My coworker quit several weeks ago because she is sick and we finally hired someone else (no more trying to work a full time job in half time for me!) and I've been training her for most of this spring break week. It's kind of stressful to train someone, but it will be sooo nice to have someone there to do the work, so I can catch up on my grant work. On a happier note, I finally got my business cards. :)

I started out spring break by being about two weeks behind in reading homework for one of my classes. Now the only thing that I have left for next week's homework is continuing to study for a theatre history exam. Hopefully, I'll be able to stay ahead through the end of the term. It's been rather difficult to juggle classes, 16-20 hours of work, 25+ hours of rehearsal, line notes, homework, meals, laundry, and seeing all of the U and PTC theatre productions. I went two weeks without doing laundry and found out that the first thing I run out of is pajamas lol. The 4.0 I got last semester doesn't help because now I feel like I have to keep it up this semester, which adds a bit of stress. I'm doing pretty well though. I got 100.5/100 on an eight page exam in my toughest class and only missed five points on the first paper. I've had to get used to a lot less sleep though...going to bed at midnight is going to bed early.

Theatre History is as ridiculous as it was last semester, but I'm finally used to Bob's quizzes and always doing well on them and the assignments, so I can't complain too much even if I am not learning much. I've had worse teachers and he is a darling guy...just not the best teacher. I am definitely enjoying the experience of being a TA and I absolutely love my little grouplings, but it has substantiated my feelings about never teaching older kids. I have learned that I do NOT like grading papers. It is a little weird to be a TA for students who are my age and are my friends, so I'm glad that I didn't know any of them super well before this. My Women in Ancient Greece and Rome class was not one that I had wanted to take, but I am really enjoying it and I've made a friend, so I am very glad that I decided to take it anyway. Assistant stage managing Macbeth is amazing even though it is a LOT of work. I love our cast and the fight choreographer is absolutely amazing. It will be hard when it is over. One of the things about me that drives me the craziest is definitely how easily attached to people I am. It makes the ends of things like this and the realization that friends are kind of superficial VERY hard.

I've figured out most of my class schedule for next fall and all of my schedule for this summer. I'm finishing up two of the three gen eds that I have left this summer. Luckily one of them is online because this is going to be a pretty busy summer. There are three small trips that I know of now and one that I can't make it to since I'll have class.

I can't think of anything else to say at the moment, so I'll end here and hopefully update this within a shorter period of time from now on lol. Much love to you silly folks who read this. <3

Being Busy

So, I am super tired right now, but I have to wait for some pictures to upload and tag them before I go to bed, so I figured I'd jot some of my thoughts down in here first.

The sermon at church tonight...er...last night was about Sabbath...and being busy. This was one that definitely hit home with me as I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I am always super busy and to be quite honest, I think I am primarily hiding behind how busy I am. It's so easy to be rushing around with no time to think and thus hide from feelings, the past, and what could be. It also makes it easier to ignore the painful things in life. If you are busy getting to the next moment in life, you don't have to focus on the hurtful one that you have just left, which is rather useful when you are too sensitive. It makes a brilliant excuse to hide behind as well. Who ever objects to someone saying I'm too busy...I've got homework...or work...or whatever else happens to be going on at the time? While some people might be smart enough to call it BS, most aren't going to fuss if you say that you're too busy for a relationship when they ask you why you aren't dating. Although, a more accurate answer would be because I'm scared of relationships, have too many issues that I don't want someone else to have to deal with, and the only guys that are interested in me are the ones that I am not interested in...and my pictures are uploaded...so...night.

New Year's Thought Dump

I think I should warn any of you who are silly enough to actually be reading this mess, that this post (as usual) will probably be disorganized chaos.

I don't really know where to start, so I guess I'll just work backwards. I made a pasta dish with white whine tonight and decided that alcohol just seems to smell weird. It was pretty good though and my family liked it even though there was no meat involved lol. I went through the process of dumping all of the pictures I took in 2009 onto CD's, so that they wouldn't be cluttering up my computer, which was a lengthy process. I enjoyed it though because I had to go through all of the pictures. It's crazy that it wasn't that long ago, but it feels so far away. Life moves so quickly...too quickly in some ways.

Yesterday, I tried out a new cookie recipe since we were having a potluck after church that night. It wasn't the one I'd originally planned on making, but it was fun and I like the recipe. I actually followed it too...except for using a star cookie cutter instead of making them into crescents, but that still counts...right? It isn't too sweet, which is nice. I typed it up to email it to one of the girls from church, so I'll throw it in here with my notes. (It's from Joy of Cooking.)

Viennese Crescents
About 48 2.25-inch cookies [I got around twice this with the stars.]
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease or line 2 cookie sheets. [Not necessary if the pans are nonstick.]
Beat in a large bowl until creamy:
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
Add and beat until well combined:
3/4 cup confectioners' sugar
Beat in:
1 cup ground walnuts or blanched almonds
2 teaspoons vanilla
(1 teaspoon cinnamon)
Stir in until well blended:
2 cups all-purpose flour
Chill the dough. [About half an hour works well.] If using a crescent cookie cutter, roll the dough to the thickness of 1/4 inch. If shaping into crescents, roll 1-tablespoon pieces of dough into short ropes to shape. Arrange about 1/4 inch apart on the cookie sheets. Bake until crescents begin to brown, 13 to 15 minutes. [You probably want to start with 10 and check them if you use a small shape like the stars.] Let stand briefly, then remove to a rack to cool. [I put them all onto the rack and then dipped them in the sugar immediately.] Roll the cooled cookies in:
3/4 cup confectioners' sugar [I only used 1/2 cup.]

My night started out kind of awful, but my dad was nice enough to drive me to church, so I wasn't super late. Pastor Phil was speaking, which I always love. The potluck was alright. I enjoyed cleaning up more than the event. This seems to be a bit of a norm with me lol. The rest of the night was absolutely amazing. A handful of us went to Desert Edge to meet up with some friends who were already there. We stayed there until they closed at 11:00pm and then headed to Coffee Break until they closed. I always love doing that after church. It is wonderful to just have some time with amazing people that I love, listen to the unique conversations, and just think without worrying about life and everything that is stressful about it. I also finally decided to stop being stubborn and just accept something. lol.

Saturday was my grandpa's birthday (step-dad's side of the family). All of the family totally flaked, which I found really upsetting. We usually all get together and have dinner at someone's house, but no one actually bothered to follow through on plans, so my parents, sister, and I took him out to dinner. With a lot of family traditions, I'm not super keen on their continuance, but this is one that is important. When something is meaningless, it is silly to continue it, but if you are showing someone in your life that you care, that is another story entirely. I hate even thinking about how it must feel to realize that all of your kids and grandkids are too busy with their lives to spend time with you like they usually do. Especially since he's retired and getting older. All he does during most of the winter is sit around in the house and watch television because he can't go out and golf. It just seems ridiculous to cut out some of the family time that gets him out and doing something. Anyway, I'll end that rant here.

Friday...was New Year's Eve. I have decided that this is my least favorite holiday. There are so many expectations and ideals amongst society about how it is supposed to go and what you are supposed to do and it could never live up to those. In the end, it is a celebration of the movement from one section of our somewhat arbitrary division into time to another section. Oh...yeah, that doesn't sound anywhere near as romantic. No wonder people don't think of it that way. I think it's great to want to change things and start fresh, but why can't we do that all of the time? Last year, I stopped doing New Year's Resolutions. Yet another family tradition had me writing lists of resolutions for years. I always forgot most of them and rarely followed through with any of them because there were simply too many of them. I'd rather notice random little things throughout the year and work on them until I'm satisfied. Making resolutions on New Year's Eve kind of seems like a way to put off what we know we should be doing. If we want to improve ourselves, why wait? There's no time like the present to start.
Annnnnd...my night was not at all what I would have liked it to be. I can think of a few other people that I would have liked to be spending it with as well, but hey, you can't have everything...and there's always next year. ;)

I worked 8:30am-5:00pm Monday through Thursday last week. I hadn't planned on working that much over break, but I got the office into shape, which was a very good thing. On Wednesday, my boss make a PO, one of the staff used it, he brought me the receipt, I had my boss sign it, copied it, put it in the box to go to city hall, put it into the excel budget sheet, and filed it. All in the same day. It was kind of amazing. Haha, yeah, I know that's weird, so if you're crazy enough to still be reading this, thanks for puttin' up with it. I FINALLY saw Inception on Tuesday. It was AMAZING. That movie is next in line on the movies that I want list...and Black Swan. I absolutely LOVED them both.

I think that's the highlights of everything since my last post and this feels like a ridiculously long post, so I guess I'll stop here.