Well, I really haven't been keeping up with this and I have a crazy amount of time right now, so I suppose I should fix that. Mmmmm where to begin.... I got to see Paul when he came to Salt Lake for a bit. My dad is back from Kuwait now. My art classes are driving me crazy because I am not an artist, they are very long, they are difficult/expect too much, and I don't have enough time. I'm way ahead on my script analysis reading...meaning I've finished everything for the rest of the semester. Ballroom now has a substitute for the remainder of the semester, which will probably be good for me, but I miss Paul. :( He is an amazing teacher. I'm helping to set up for Utenited every week, which is awesome. I finally really admitted that I'm in love with someone. I made out my Christmas card list...currently 40 people.... Hmmm...I really don't know what to say....
This last weekend was both a really hard weekend and a really good weekend. It's funny how that happens. On Friday, I worked for about seven hours. I love being back in the office. It's kind of funny, but I really enjoy all the detail ledgers and searching for invoices and making copies and keeping the filing system organized. I suppose happiness can have more to do with how you want to feel than what you are doing. It's also great because I love everyone at work. It's amazing to be around people who love, appreciate, and support you in everything. My boss bought us lunch, which was nice. :) It still took me over an hour to eat it. lol It went something like eat...see stack of file folders...organize a folder by date...OH food...make a couple of copies...oh yeah...food.... We had my dad's (step-dad) family over that night to see him and I got to invite Paul over as well. :) Saturday...um...I don't know what I did Saturday...hmmm...I'll blame it on very little sleep the night before. Oh...library...yeah...boring. We went over to my grandma's house Saturday afternoon with dinner, so everybody could see my dad. I spent most of the time talking to my cousin...some much needed girl talk. ;) On Sunday, slow morning...I went through some picture albums and ended up reading cards from the guy I dated in high school...good way to feel bad. What got me the most was one from about a week before I broke up with him that said something along the lines of...you deserve more than anyone, I believe, is capable of giving thank you for allowing me the privilege of trying. :/ I still feel a little bad, but the past is the past and I neither can nor would want to change it. I had a talk with my mom as well. One of those, I really don't want to hear some of it, but yeah...I needed that talk. I don't know how much I'll be able to follow that because she doesn't seem to understand the depth and seriousness of it, but we'll see. Then I tagged along with my family when they went shopping...mostly because I needed to get out of the house and out of my thoughts. The Mount was absolutely amazing. =D Chad was speaking.
This weekend, I've done a lot of thinking and found firmer ground in a lot of areas. I've reached what I've been trying to reach with some of my goals. I know that: 1) I'm not perfect, never will be, and no one can expect me to be 2) I cannot control everything 3) I cannot understand everything or everyone...not even myself and my emotions 4) God knows what he is doing and everything has a purpose...we may not always see it, but some good comes out of everything. I think I've finally reached the point where I can hear someone say/interpret something a little off and not feel it necessary to correct them. Sometimes it really doesn't matter. I'm also trying to work more on relationships with my extended and immediate family. Part of what has held me back in that respect is that I have been afraid to show what I'm going through and how I feel, but I've gotten over that. I am where I'm meant to be right now and there is nothing wrong with anyone knowing where that is. I don't have to go it alone...that's why I have so many amazing people in my life. Thanks to everyone who is in my life, has been in my life, or will be in my life. I love and appreciate you all.
This last weekend was both a really hard weekend and a really good weekend. It's funny how that happens. On Friday, I worked for about seven hours. I love being back in the office. It's kind of funny, but I really enjoy all the detail ledgers and searching for invoices and making copies and keeping the filing system organized. I suppose happiness can have more to do with how you want to feel than what you are doing. It's also great because I love everyone at work. It's amazing to be around people who love, appreciate, and support you in everything. My boss bought us lunch, which was nice. :) It still took me over an hour to eat it. lol It went something like eat...see stack of file folders...organize a folder by date...OH food...make a couple of copies...oh yeah...food.... We had my dad's (step-dad) family over that night to see him and I got to invite Paul over as well. :) Saturday...um...I don't know what I did Saturday...hmmm...I'll blame it on very little sleep the night before. Oh...library...yeah...boring. We went over to my grandma's house Saturday afternoon with dinner, so everybody could see my dad. I spent most of the time talking to my cousin...some much needed girl talk. ;) On Sunday, slow morning...I went through some picture albums and ended up reading cards from the guy I dated in high school...good way to feel bad. What got me the most was one from about a week before I broke up with him that said something along the lines of...you deserve more than anyone, I believe, is capable of giving thank you for allowing me the privilege of trying. :/ I still feel a little bad, but the past is the past and I neither can nor would want to change it. I had a talk with my mom as well. One of those, I really don't want to hear some of it, but yeah...I needed that talk. I don't know how much I'll be able to follow that because she doesn't seem to understand the depth and seriousness of it, but we'll see. Then I tagged along with my family when they went shopping...mostly because I needed to get out of the house and out of my thoughts. The Mount was absolutely amazing. =D Chad was speaking.
This weekend, I've done a lot of thinking and found firmer ground in a lot of areas. I've reached what I've been trying to reach with some of my goals. I know that: 1) I'm not perfect, never will be, and no one can expect me to be 2) I cannot control everything 3) I cannot understand everything or everyone...not even myself and my emotions 4) God knows what he is doing and everything has a purpose...we may not always see it, but some good comes out of everything. I think I've finally reached the point where I can hear someone say/interpret something a little off and not feel it necessary to correct them. Sometimes it really doesn't matter. I'm also trying to work more on relationships with my extended and immediate family. Part of what has held me back in that respect is that I have been afraid to show what I'm going through and how I feel, but I've gotten over that. I am where I'm meant to be right now and there is nothing wrong with anyone knowing where that is. I don't have to go it alone...that's why I have so many amazing people in my life. Thanks to everyone who is in my life, has been in my life, or will be in my life. I love and appreciate you all.
