I'm using the date for the title...unoriginal I know...buuuuut...I really didn't know what to call it. It's been a few weeks, but I did manage to update within the same month, so I'm getting better. Just to make it easier on me, I'll go with a crazy combo of describing things that is backwards and not at the same time. Hmmm...let's see....
Yesterday, I was at work till 6:30pm. Our office closes at 5:00pm...but Sinoor and I were finishing a few things and then I stayed to let a couple of the girls into the boss's office to fax something. We finally finished the grant work! :) Nothing particularly exciting happened though...just copying, stapling, filing, spreadsheets, talking to Sinoor, talking to our intern, running paperwork over to the county building, and various other things. My mom came in and was completely obnoxious, but other than that, work was good. :) After work, I was doing a couple of errands...so I took the bus to 33rd South and then barely missed a bus (first one was late), so I walked up to Brickyard and after I finished, I walked up to Highland Drive only to realize the bus timing sucked and I could walk home faster than waiting for the bus (if it had been on time, which it wasn't...it passed me :/). I walked home from there...took about half an hour...with three bags and a gallon of milk, it wasn't so much fun, but not too bad.
Thursday was just about the best day ever! I was at work from 8:45am-1:00pm...more grant work and the usual crazy busy day. Then I left for school...the bus was early, so I got to watch it go by as I left the building. So I just started walking to 21st South and pulled out my bus schedule for that...to find that it actually goes to the U. So I took that...had a very nice walk from the bus stop to class and wasn't late! I'm actually going to take that route from now on. :) Someone had stolen my seat in class, but it didn't end up mattering since we rearranged the desks. During class, I got a text from Liz saying she could take me to the airport to meet Matt! So I went home and got a few things done and then she picked me up. We went to Panda Express for dinner and then the airport. There were five or six missionaries getting home that night and we didn't find Matt's family until after he'd come, but it was great. Liz was excited because she saw Chace Crawford in the airport...I didn't know who he was, but, yeah, that was pretty cool. After that, we stopped by Liz's mom's house and then went to Article Circle and got shakes. Some weirdo sat in the booth behind us and stayed long after he had finished to stare at us and listen to our conversation, but at least it gave us something to laugh about on the way to Matt's house. We got to his house at about 10:15pm and didn't leave until almost midnight because I didn't get home until about ten after midnight. We were all sitting around talking for a while lol. It was AMAZING. He's picked up some interesting phrasing lol. My favorite thing he said was awry though...LOVED the prononciation. I've noticed I don't really realize how much I miss someone who is gone until they get back. I was absolutely THRILLED to get to see Matt again...and hopefully I'll be able to make it to his homecoming tomorrow...I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
The rest of the week wasn't really exciting...and that's taking up a lot of room...so...I guess an overview of school in general. I am really loving my stage management class...and Chase was sooo right. Stage management really does fit my personality...ocd...organized...detail-oriented.... I'm using The Taming of the Shrew...we had a choice between that or Romeo and Juliet. I chose that one because I knew I would be sick of Romeo and Juliet by the end of class. I'm really enjoying the homework because it's literal and logical and involves reading lol. My theatre and theory class is kind of up and down. Sometimes it drives me crazy because the students seem to have forgotten everything they learned in the prerequisite class, but other days it's not bad. It definitely won't be my favorite class, but I love Sydney (teacher). My absurd theatre class is good...naturally...it's one of Tim's classes lol. Dart is in that class, so I have a friend in it! My human universals class...well...I'm behind in that one since it's online and things have been a bit chaotic. I don't like the impersonality of an online class, so I think I'll try to avoid them in the future, but this one was necessary.
Liz and I are starting to put together our plans for our spring break trip to Cali. :D Sooo excited that this actually is going to happen. I'll get to see Paul...go to his church...go swimming...all sorts of exciting things! We're planning on going to Disneyland, which will be awesome since I've never been. Haha church still wins as most exciting though.
Well, I am running out of things to say...and I have homework to do, so I'm out for now.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Ending 2009
through excerpts from my journal
"It's kinda funny that I don't even put everything I think in here. I know I couldn't possibly do that because of room, but I guess it is just because there are some thoughts, worries, and concerns that I don't want to admit or maybe follow through enough to put them down. Does that even make any sense? Hmmm...I kind of want to, but then again I don't because I don't understand it and feel like it's weird, so I don't want proof of it. Haha put that way, it seems like a control issue and me being afraid to admit I'm not perfect. I know I do struggle with bothe of these things. I need to work on that. I am not perfect. I cannot be and never will be perfect, but I do not have to be perfect. It is perfectly ok to make mistakes and not understand...everybody does"
"This is one of those times when I really want to know everything, but I can't. Only God knows everything and that isn't hard for me to accept, but it is hard for me to deal with. I like to know all sides before I make a decision. Maybe I am too controlled...should I be more spontaneous and instinctual? Maybe that's what's bugging me...this seems to be so uncertain. There was a quote in something I read a while ago: 'How do you know how you'd feel? Maybe you'd feel wonderful. Why do you have to control every single thought in your head? Why don't you let loose once in your life? Do something you feel like doing and not what you're supposed to do.' Maybe I need to take that to heart. I do keep things under control so much, which is a good thing, but not always. I am an adult and I have to be responsible...especially now, but I guess I can relax a little. I am never really relaxed."
"Especially considering what we talked about in script analysis...other people knowing you better than you know yourself. Haha my family, sadly, being an exception, which is partly my fault. I haven't dared to open up much with them. Strangers are easier...you have no investment in how they feel about you...and neither do they. They don't know you and your past. They haven't misunderstand or let you down before. I guess in a way, I'm holding past mistakes against my family. I've been working on letting them in, but it is a slow process. I am very trusting of people I don't know, but I really struggle with trusting people who have let me down before."
"Am I too self-sufficient? People were meant to need other people, but I think I avoid that. I don't want to need other people. God is a lot more reliable I guess...I'm okay with depending on Him. I think a lot of this has to do with my dad...David. I've though I'm over it and everyone thinks I should be, but I'm beginning to think I can't ever be completely 'over it' because it isn't possible to be. I've forgiven him, but it happened and I can't change the way it impacted things. I think people tend to mean forgetting or ignoring when they talk about getting over it, but I can't do either of those thngs and it wouldn't be right to do so. Things happen for a reason. Our lives are shaped by what happens to us...I am who I am because of that. Yeah, I have a lot to work on because of it, but I've developed in good ways because of it as well. I probably wouldn't care about how others lives are going so much without my life as it has been. I do need to be better about showing peopld how I feel about them and not being afraid of seeming silly or giving the wrong impression."
"My mom needs to start keeping a journal...she is a lot like me in the respect that she needs a lot of time to go over things, but she does it through talking, which drives everyone crazy, and I do it through thinking, which can also drive people crazy because they don't know where I've been or where I really am."
"Anyway, I don't know if that is just part of me being scared of relationships...yeah, I admit it...I am. Still afraid of being hurt...rejection...but everybody is to an extent. I'm not letting it really hold me back anymore. There are a lot of things that are worth the risk. You can't spend your life hiding for fear you'll get hurt because you will still get hurt and you will miss a lot of amazing experiences as well. I feel good right now...I'm really close to God and while I don't know where I'm going, He does. I love Him and trust Him completely. It's funny...Angel said a few days ago that I've grown a lot closer to God lately...I hadn't really though about it or noticed, but I think she is right. I have turned to Him a lot lately with everything that has beein going on in my life. I have gone to other people, but he is definitely number one in my life."
"It's kinda funny that I don't even put everything I think in here. I know I couldn't possibly do that because of room, but I guess it is just because there are some thoughts, worries, and concerns that I don't want to admit or maybe follow through enough to put them down. Does that even make any sense? Hmmm...I kind of want to, but then again I don't because I don't understand it and feel like it's weird, so I don't want proof of it. Haha put that way, it seems like a control issue and me being afraid to admit I'm not perfect. I know I do struggle with bothe of these things. I need to work on that. I am not perfect. I cannot be and never will be perfect, but I do not have to be perfect. It is perfectly ok to make mistakes and not understand...everybody does"
"This is one of those times when I really want to know everything, but I can't. Only God knows everything and that isn't hard for me to accept, but it is hard for me to deal with. I like to know all sides before I make a decision. Maybe I am too controlled...should I be more spontaneous and instinctual? Maybe that's what's bugging me...this seems to be so uncertain. There was a quote in something I read a while ago: 'How do you know how you'd feel? Maybe you'd feel wonderful. Why do you have to control every single thought in your head? Why don't you let loose once in your life? Do something you feel like doing and not what you're supposed to do.' Maybe I need to take that to heart. I do keep things under control so much, which is a good thing, but not always. I am an adult and I have to be responsible...especially now, but I guess I can relax a little. I am never really relaxed."
"Especially considering what we talked about in script analysis...other people knowing you better than you know yourself. Haha my family, sadly, being an exception, which is partly my fault. I haven't dared to open up much with them. Strangers are easier...you have no investment in how they feel about you...and neither do they. They don't know you and your past. They haven't misunderstand or let you down before. I guess in a way, I'm holding past mistakes against my family. I've been working on letting them in, but it is a slow process. I am very trusting of people I don't know, but I really struggle with trusting people who have let me down before."
"Am I too self-sufficient? People were meant to need other people, but I think I avoid that. I don't want to need other people. God is a lot more reliable I guess...I'm okay with depending on Him. I think a lot of this has to do with my dad...David. I've though I'm over it and everyone thinks I should be, but I'm beginning to think I can't ever be completely 'over it' because it isn't possible to be. I've forgiven him, but it happened and I can't change the way it impacted things. I think people tend to mean forgetting or ignoring when they talk about getting over it, but I can't do either of those thngs and it wouldn't be right to do so. Things happen for a reason. Our lives are shaped by what happens to us...I am who I am because of that. Yeah, I have a lot to work on because of it, but I've developed in good ways because of it as well. I probably wouldn't care about how others lives are going so much without my life as it has been. I do need to be better about showing peopld how I feel about them and not being afraid of seeming silly or giving the wrong impression."
"My mom needs to start keeping a journal...she is a lot like me in the respect that she needs a lot of time to go over things, but she does it through talking, which drives everyone crazy, and I do it through thinking, which can also drive people crazy because they don't know where I've been or where I really am."
"Anyway, I don't know if that is just part of me being scared of relationships...yeah, I admit it...I am. Still afraid of being hurt...rejection...but everybody is to an extent. I'm not letting it really hold me back anymore. There are a lot of things that are worth the risk. You can't spend your life hiding for fear you'll get hurt because you will still get hurt and you will miss a lot of amazing experiences as well. I feel good right now...I'm really close to God and while I don't know where I'm going, He does. I love Him and trust Him completely. It's funny...Angel said a few days ago that I've grown a lot closer to God lately...I hadn't really though about it or noticed, but I think she is right. I have turned to Him a lot lately with everything that has beein going on in my life. I have gone to other people, but he is definitely number one in my life."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)