Well, I have not updated this in ages...again. Based upon my assumption that hardly anyone reads it, which makes it merely another means of expression, I'm guessing my lack of reliability is fine. Life is busy and it feels like it will never be anything but busy, but I suppose I am okay with that. I do not do well when I'm not busy. I think I'm finally starting to get all of the balls in the air and keeping them there...for now at least. There is a lot involved with moving out that I never needed to do before...mainly shopping and cooking...making sure I eat. It is nice to have more freedom about how I do that though. Sometimes I really wonder how people do it...and how I do it lol.
It still seems kind of weird to have finally taken that step and moved out...even three months later. I don't miss my family at all, which kind of makes me feel bad, but considering the circumstances, I cannot say that I am surprised I do not miss them. I do want to work things out to see my little sister more though and I do miss the idea of having a mom that I can talk to about things. I do not really feel like there is anyone I can talk to when I am struggling with life, just God. I know I have friends and family who say they are here for me, but a lot of the time it is more talk than action and I know people are busy with their own lives, so I don't feel like bothering them with mine. Also, I am still a very cautious person. I do not feel comfortable telling anyone just anything. Although I'm sure a lot of people don't realize it, it is a big sign of trust and a bit of a leap for me to share how I am feeling and what I am thinking. I am so used to not sharing that because I never have felt safe doing so. Hence all of the cryptic status updates. ;) I have gotten better about dealing with situations where I am not certain about where I am or what is going on...thanks in part to work. (Like when I had to handle my boss's meeting for him because he was going to be late.) I feel a little more confident and capable of dealing with the scary things in life. I think one of the biggest things I am dealing with right now is that I do not know what I want. It is kind of hard to direct yourself when you do not know what you want and being the silly ocd thing that I am, I do not like not having a direction. Which is not to say I am not happy with this, I am totally okay with letting God have the wheel and just going along with things. I just feel like I should know what I want.
Anyway, moving on from personal stuff that I cannot believe I am actually going to put up on an easily accessible blog...life. I have a place to stay until May-ish...and then I don't know what I'm going to do, so that's another thing to juggle. I have survived an onslaught of midterms, but big school assignments are not over anytime soon...in some ways, I feel like it is just beginning. Work is...busy, crazy, and never boring. I love it though and it is nice to feel so appreciated. I do not always feel comfortable with the compliments, but I am getting used to it. (Hence the "always" instead of "ever.") Family...is just a mess. I told my mom I am not going with them on the trip to England...and she did not take that well. My cousin is thrilled that I am going to be here for her graduation though. That is far more important to me than seeing England...particularly seeing England for three weeks while being stuck with my parents. The only obnoxious thing now is that I have to get tax information from my mom for my FAFSA...that will not be fun.
I need to go shopping, so...I will write more later...or...eventually.
